Trigger warning: If you’ve got a flight booked, maybe save this one for after takeoff. If you’re staying home while your partner jets off, light a candle, grab a glass of wine and open the Notes app (ideally after the kids are asleep for the night) – you’re going to want to write a few things down
I’m writing this on a Sunday, suitcase open, trying to figure out how many pairs of socks I can pretend I’ll work out in. I’m heading out on a work trip through late Thursday night. Which means I’ll be sleeping in deafening silence while my wife runs the bedtime circus solo. Two kids. One dog. Zero backup.
So yeah – I’m feeling a little raw about it.
Here’s the thing: traveling, especially for work or old friends, is good. It’s good for your mental health, your identity, your ability to finish a sentence without being interrupted by someone demanding a Sprouts Organic Non-GMO yogurt pouch (aka ‘lala’) for the 13th time today. You get to remember the version of yourself who doesn’t smell like banana and broken sleep.
But while you’re stepping away to breathe – someone else is staying in it. Deep in it. That’s the rub. Because when you’re a parent, you don’t just leave your house – you shift the entire load onto the person you love most. And even when they say, “Go, I’ve got this,” you know what they really have is five days of chaos, fatigue, and being asked where you are 400 times before noon.
Parenting works best when it’s tag-team. Nobody should be left in the ring solo unless they signed up for that kind of superhero gig. And look, I know that for a lot of people, this is the daily reality – single parents out there doing the damn thing without backup, and doing it like pros (I STILL DON’T GET HOW YOU DO IT!!). Absolute legends. But my wife didn’t sign up for that. We built this thing together, and dropping the full load on her – whether it’s for a night or five days – feels like I’m rewriting the contract mid-fight.
So if you’re going to travel – go. Really go. Be present. Don’t spend the whole trip sending guilt-ridden texts and pretending your hotel pillow isn’t the best thing since you buckled your kid into their carseat and got that precious 19 second peace walk around the car. Missing your family is fine – healthy even – but don’t do it in a way that makes your partner carry both the kids AND your emotional baggage.
Go big or stay home. Eat the overpriced burger. Close the deal. Actually listen to your friend’s story without having to shout “Please, don’t lick that” halfway through. Then come home locked in – with stories, with souvenirs, with fresh energy. And PLEASE do not come back expecting a hero’s welcome. You were gone. We noticed. And know the offense is about to run through you for a minute (expectations of a Saquon level Load you are about to carry)
If you’re the one holding it down while your partner frolics at a leadership offsite in Santa Fe – you’re a fucking legend. I hope your kids nap simultaneously. You never misplace your phone when your kids are already in the car. I hope your partner returns bearing love, IOUs, and their fair share of parenting shame.
Enjoy the trip – and lean in. Come Friday, reality is waiting